Was economics your least favorite subject in school? You’re not alone. Eek-onomics strikes terror in the hearts and minds of most students. In my day, ‘Eco’ was a required course, (maybe it still is,) a fact that I found unfair and absolutely terrorizing. I even asked my family doctor for a note saying I was allergic to chlorine. Oops. That was swimming. Anyway, to my surprise, I ended up aceing economics. So with that in mind, I have prepared a brief primer for all the econophobes out there.
MARKET MADNESS … The Dow Jones industrial average dropped last week, due to a decline in in home sales, unequal trade balances and volatile world markets. Prozac shares continued to climb.
EBITDA … So she bit him back.
GUERILLA MARKETING … Anybody wanna buy a monkey?
BEAR MARKET … See Go-Go dancers, nudists and male strippers.
INVENTORY … Where Thomas Edison and Alexander Graham Bell hung out after work.
LONG TERM ASSETS … When that lower back fat won’t budge despite months of dieting.
BACK END LOAD … See Long Term Assets above.
LONG TERM INTEREST … Why some guys propose. (See Long Term Assets and Back End Load above.)
PROFITS … They can predict the future.
OPERATING EXPENSES … What you pay to have your face lifted.
PREMIUMS … Really good crackers. I also like Ritz and any brand of grahams.
RECEIVABLES … Birthday, anniversary and Christmas presents to name a few.
RELEVANT COSTS … You bet they do. So don’t let your in-laws move in with you.
NET INCOME … Depends on how many fish you catch.
OPTIONS … Shall I stay or shall I go?
BETA … Opposite of worsa.
GROSS DOMESTIC PRODUCTS … Brussels sprouts, spinach and liver to name a few.
ACCOUNTS PAYABLE … Yes they are. So are Dukes and Earls and even Kings.
Copyright 2016 Harriet Posnak Lesser
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Harriet Posnak Lesser is an award-winning journalist and social satirist whose articles have appeared in Long Island’s The South Shore Record and Nassau Herald, The New York Times, Cracked Magazine and others.