January 20, 2017
The first woman president of the United States prepares to take the oath of office after defeating Republican Lindsay Graham, the popular cracker from South Carolina. Americans everywhere are glued to their TV sets to watch the events of this historic day unfold. Let the coverage begin…
***
“Hello, America. This is Janie Jetson coming to you from CN headquarters in Washington DC. Cartoon Network is proud to bring you the groundbreaking inauguration of the first woman president in the history of the United States. The crowd is going wild as Carly Fiorina waves from her bulletproof limo, which is now approaching the Capitol steps for the upcoming ceremonies.
“Oops. That’s Hillary? The way Carly changes her hair color, it’s hard to keep up. Anyway, Hillary/Carly is wearing a blue pants suit from some designer or other. The really big news, of course, is what the First Gentleman is wearing. According to my notes, Bill’s suit is made of an exclusive polyester and seersucker blend from Men’s B. Warehouse. It has no sleeves and rocks knee length pants. My sources tell me the designer is a three-year-old boy from Arkansas, the first couple’s home state. His name is Baby GooGoo and he’s a distant relative of fashion icon Lady GaGa. Americans take note. The First Gentleman is definitely a trend setter. Who knew?
“Meanwhile, the limo has arrived at the Capitol. Hillary is getting out, but all eyes are on Bill who has somehow managed to change his outfit in the limo. He looks absolutely fab in a pair of loden green culottes topped by a waist length jacket in shades of orange. Guess that’s the end of matchy-matchy, fellas, and good riddance I say. Anyway, the President-Elect has her hand on the Bible as she promises to serve her country, uphold the laws of the land and buy a couple of new pants suits. All eyes remain on the First Gentleman who has taken off the waist-length jacket to reveal a zippered and quilted vest to die for. Will get the designer’s name to you soon as I know it.
“Meanwhile, I am interrupting coverage of the inauguration to bring you an important bulletin from the Pentagon. Word has just come down that the President will be wearing a blue lace pants suit to the Inaugural Ball tonight. (Yawn.) And the First Gentleman is still keeping his outfit a secret, but we hear it’s a knockout. Can’t wait to bring you the details. And speaking of secrets and knockouts, we just learned that Martians have invaded Georgetown and are marching toward the White House. Or maybe it’s the other way round. Or maybe not. Whatever. Anyway, tune in tonight to watch the first couple dance to their favorite tune and check out what our trendsetting First Gentleman will be wearing as he glides around the floor.”
Copyright 2015 Harriet Posnak Lesser
You May Also Like:
On the Fringe by Harriet Posnak Lesser
Playing Ball by Harriet Posnak Lesser
Breast Cancer Awareness Month 2015
Harriet Posnak Lesser is an award-winning journalist and social satirist whose articles have appeared in Long Island’s The South Shore Record and Nassau Herald, The New York Times, Cracked Magazine and others.