Winter blues got you down? Tired of being cooped up indoors? Weather the storm with punny thoughts. Works for me. This time I’m taking on the universe.
Planet – Better to do it ahead.
Apogee – I’m sorry.
Basalt – Advice from your cardiologist.
Corona – Last I heard, it was still in Queens.
Crater — Opposite of lesser.
Eclipse – What a barber does.
Helium – What a doctor does.
Gravity – Delicious over turkey.
Ion – Opposite of “I off.”
Lava – See Fifty Shades of Grey.
Magnetopause – Usually happens after 50.
Photosphere – A round camera.
Polarization – When people at the North Pole fight with people at the South Pole.
Pumice – i.e.: I do, I do.
Theory of Relativity – aka your family tree.
Satellite – A secretary’s complaint or what you did at that long movie.
Volcano – Mr. Spock’s nationality.
Solar – You’ll find it at the bottom of your shoes.
Tectonic – Bill Gates’ favorite drink.
Umbra – You carry it in the rain.
Horizon – She’s getting up.
Archeology – The study of half circles.
Gneiss – Opposite of nasty.
Bedrock – A really firm mattress.
Conduit – Of course you can. Always think positive.
Avalanche – You have it between breakfast and dinner.
Gully – Or you can say “Gee whiz!”
Mantle – “It’s all in your mind.”
Quartz – How milk is sold.
Soil – Can be salad, cooking or castor.
Talus – Pussy cats and puppies are born with them.
Copyright 2015 Harriet Posnak Lesser
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Harriet Posnak Lesser is an award-winning journalist and social satirist whose articles have appeared in Long Island’s The South Shore Record and Nassau Herald, The New York Times, Cracked Magazine and others.