Stuck in a time warp? Harriet Posnak Lesser insists that she is. Here, her very funny thoughts on what it means to be in – and out.
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In With the Out Crowd by Harriet Lesser
I used to be a charter member of the “in” crowd. I wore the right clothes, watched the right TV shows and read the right magazines. Then one morning, I woke up and found that I was “out” in left field, a pop culture relic, a dinosaur – an anachronism caught in a time warp. (Is there any other kind?)
These are the facts:
I am the only person on the planet who doesn’t watch “The Bachelor.” I’ve never seen “Duck Dynasty” and I can think of no worse fate than keeping up with the Kardashians. In my outie lexicon, Eminem is a kind of candy – and disco music is the endsville. At least the lyrics didn’t insult your intelligence. I still can’t get enough of “Boogie, Oogie, Oogie.”
Nobody can convince me that gray, the must have fashion color for fall, looks great on everyone, but I am relishing the return of doe eyes. (Far as I’m concerned, they never went away.) Letting your dark roots show is not only a breach of beauty etiquette, but a guarantee that you’ll be struck by lightning. (Mom taught me well.)
I prefer home cooking to fusion cuisine (I have this thing about nuclear food) and I’ll drive miles for a good Beef Wellington. I truly believe that a slathering of Hellman’s makes everything taste better (except maybe chocolate covered donuts,) but I understand the importance of eating kale and I’ll get around to it, soon as I can find some Green Goddess dressing.
Technology passed me by 10 years ago. I do own a smart phone, but I don’t consider it a life necessity. If a phone booth was good enough for Superman, it’s good enough for me. I have absolutely no idea what ACL, HDTV and TMJ stand for and I can’t imagine how any of them would enrich my life.
Sometimes I think that I’ll never be “in” again and it worries me. On the other hand, if being “in” means letting my bra straps show — well, I guess that lets me “out.”
copyright 2014 HARRIET LESSER
About Harriet Posnak Lesser
Harriet Posnak Lesser is an award-winning journalist and social satirist whose articles have appeared in Long Island’sThe South Shore Record and Nassau Herald, The New York Times, Cracked Magazine and others.
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