When I signed on as a contributor to EverBeautiful.com, I promised that I would never write about politics. Here’s how the conversation went:
“Tempting as it may be, I will steer clear of anything political. The wishes of my editor come first.”
“Thanks Mom.”
Well, it’s that time of the year again and I can’t resist, sort of. This week’s article is a harmless, non-partisan glossary of terms for readers of all ages.
***
Campaign … “But you promised that I wouldn’t have to go this summer.”
Ballot Box … Usually contains a tutu, a pair of toe shoes and a leotard.
Debate … A worm or chum. (Make sure it’s someone you don’t like.)
Hanging Chad … Bad idea. Besides, it’s illegal.
Incumbent … Don’t worry. There’s a pill for that.
Lobbyist … Try hanging out somewhere else.
Midterm election … I’d rather be tested in English than Algebra.
Poll … Someone from Warsaw, Krakow or Lodz.
Gdansk … Gezundheit.
Popular vote … Mine goes to Benedict Cumberbatch.
Referendum … Legalize marijuana?
General election … You can vote for Eisenhower, Patton or Washington, etc.
Recall election … I never remember from one year to the other.
Swing voter … See hanging chad above. (The takeaway is that it’s still against the law.)
Platforms … They add inches and look great on the foot.
Stump speech … “Duh.”
Candidates … A box of chocolates always makes a good impression.
Grass roots … No kidding. It has to start somewhere.
Hard money … Pennies, nickels, dimes, quarters and like that.
Franchise … There’s also American eyes, British eyes, Italian eyes etc.
Proportional representation … The ideal is 36, 26, 36.
Electoral college … University for electricians.
Copyright 2016 Harriet Posnak Lesser
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Harriet Posnak Lesser is an award-winning journalist and social satirist whose articles have appeared in Long Island’s The South Shore Record and Nassau Herald, The New York Times, Cracked Magazine and others.