Disclaimer, in case you couldn’t tell: NSFC (Not Safe for Children), but funny. (And this is how you do humor. Just sayin’) – ed.
***
Georgey, Porgey, pudding and pie
Kissed the girls and made them cry
And much to his embarrassment
He was charged with sexual harassment
***
There was an old woman who lived in a shoe
She had so many children she didn’t know what to do
She gave them some cookies without any tea
Then she went out and bought an IUD
***
Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard
To get her poor dog a bone
But when she got there
The cupboard was bare
So they split a can of dog food
***
Wee Willie Winkie runs through the town
Upstairs and downstairs and in his nightgown
Rapping at the windows, crying over and over
“Uh, oh, another arrest for indecent exposure”
***
Pease porridge hot
Pease porridge cold
Pease porridge in the pot
Nine days old
BARF!
***
Mary had a little lamb
And then she had a little beef
And then she had a little stuffing
And then she had a double portion of French fries
And then she had a quart of Rocky Road ice cream
And then she threw up
***
Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down and broke his crown
And Jill spent the insurance settlement
On a modern tap water element
***
Hickety pickety, my red hen
She lays eggs for gentlemen
Gentlemen come every day
To see what my red hen doth lay
Sometimes nine and sometimes ten
(Exactly what did that hen do for a living?)
copyright 2016 Harriet Posnak Lesser
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Weight and See by Harriet Posnak Lesser
Harriet Posnak Lesser is an award-winning journalist and social satirist whose articles have appeared in Long Island’s The South Shore Record and Nassau Herald, The New York Times, Cracked Magazine and others.