With a Presidential election less than a year away, candidates are cashing in on the state of the economy. For prospective voters who failed or forgot Economics 101, here’s a quick refresher course.
ADAM SMITH … The man who started it all. Adam was the husband of Eve Smith and the father of Cain Smith who made the first killing in the market.
ANTITRUST LAWS … Wall Street’s golden rule: Do unto others before others do unto you.
BULL MARKET … A group of stockbrokers talking about how much money you can expect to make in 2016.
LARGE CAPS, SMALL CAPS … It all depends on your head size.
GROSS ECONOMICS … Trading in pork bellies.
HISTOGRAM … Pap smear for guys?
ENTERPRISE … Where Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock hang out. (How quickly we forget?)
FISCAL ACTIVITY … Strenuous exercise like running, jogging or chasing after the best performing mutual fund.
INFLATION … Time to start that diet.
ACTUARY … Opposite of Imaginary.
LOW-INTEREST BONDS … They’re the ones that nobody wants.
INVESTMENT … How a man of the cloth dresses.
MONOPOLY … A pet shop with only one parrot.
ASSETS … Small donkeys.
CARTEL … A little cart pulled by (see ASSETS above).
BARTER … Thinking about putting your hard-earned bucks in the market? Well, don’t barter.
CURRENCY … Anything with a plug attached.
copyright 2015 HARRIET POSNAK LESSER
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Harriet Posnak Lesser is an award-winning journalist and social satirist whose articles have appeared in Long Island’s The South Shore Record and Nassau Herald, The New York Times, Cracked Magazine and others.