Herewith an addendum to my astronomy article for those interested in astrology. There is a difference. Happy reading and heaven help us. – H.P.L.
HOROSCOPE … A collection of scary stories.
ELLIPSE … Don’t be contherned. He’ll outgrow it.
CONSTELLATION … Try eating more fiber.
STAR SIGN … Justin Bieber autographed my driver’s manual.
PLANET … What mother always said to do ahead.
METEOR … How to make a better meatloaf. (More advice from mother.)
AVALANCHE … Most people do it at noontime.
GEMINI … I don’t care if it is a real diamond. That hurts!
COMET … We’re talking about hair of course even though brushing is just as good.
ASTRONOMY… Delicious on rye. Don’t forget the pickles and slaw.
GRAVITY … A Thanksgiving staple. I can’t eat turkey without it.
NADIR … “No way honey!”
ECLIPSE … Barber’s job description.
UNIVERSE … A one line poem. (See Ogden Nash).
MILKY WAY … Yummm. (Stop your Snickering.)
SOLAR … The bottom of your foot. It ends at your heelar.
WANING … Be grateful it isn’t pawing.
WAXING … Let’s not go there. Unless we absolutely have to. Ouch!
AQUARIUS … Where fishus like to swim.
ASTRAL BODY… Check out Kim Kardashian and/or Nicki Minaj.
UMBRA … You use it in the rain.
FIRMAMENT … People with dentures swear by it.
MAGNETIC CURRENTS …Buffet, Gates, Zuckerberg to name a few. (Magnetic Pasts include Hughes, Ford and Vanderbilt.)
ELEMENTS … There are two kinds, African and Asian. And they all have trunks for when they visit each other.
Copyright 2015 Harriet Posnak Lesser
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Harriet Posnak Lesser is an award-winning journalist and social satirist whose articles have appeared in Long Island’s The South Shore Record and Nassau Herald, The New York Times, Cracked Magazine and others.